Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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