there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
