one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
