You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
