fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your dad touched me again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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