when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
