Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
