So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
