my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize