Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
