mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
