why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize