I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
