Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
