Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize