people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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