i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
