No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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