you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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