we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize