GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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