Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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