Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
