new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
