i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
