Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
