the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
