Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
