and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She announced her abortion via fbk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
