You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
