she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
