I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize