the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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