i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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