The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
