my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
