i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
