my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize