Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
