Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize