he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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