Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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