in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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