theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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