i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
