I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
