White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
