if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
