I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize