i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
