remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
