If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
