Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize