Kiss
Puke
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
