They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
