Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
