I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
