I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
