I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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