We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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