could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found puke in my bra..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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