he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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