dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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