i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
