I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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