talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
