I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
