Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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