I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
