you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize