what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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