I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
