Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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