think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
