I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
