I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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