I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
