Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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