So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
