Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
