...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
