you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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