I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
